THE APPRENTICE - SEASON 6

Unremarkable Moments in TV History #1297: Donald Trump takes his shoes off to walk to a beach fashion show.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*kidding*


Next Celebrity Death Prediction: John Goodman.

D.E.B.S.

Foxtel is screening some of the most acclaimed, award-winning films this month to correlate with the Oscars taking place in a few weeks.

I chose D.E.B.S.

*slaps forehead extra hard*

LOU'S OVERDESCRIPTION

Oh really? Omg, so I'm assuming the milkshake was just plain milk shaken up then? You didn't list the flavour. What was the flavour?

And the jellybeans! What colours were there? Which ones did you enjoy most? OMG! Did the biscuits have chocolate in them? If so, milk or dark? Lou, how could you leave us all hanging like this??? I MUST KNOW!!!

Why!? Because I REALLY give a damn about what you ate today, that's why!

BLOG - RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this blog!!!!!

And all others like it.

Basically the typical Asian girl trying to act like a dumb Western girl and failing horribly blog.

During one post she talks about how bad she is at snowboarding. Derrrrrrp. Cut a piss-weak story short, she falls over and compares the sensation to being run over by a semi-trailer.
And what I love most is when she transitions to her first language without warning or reason!

We didn't have cute, blue eyed, blond haired ski intructors who'll overcharge you by the hour to flirt with but the boys were kind enough(and comel enough jugak) to spare >3 hours trying to teach fizah and i how to actually control and steer the board.

I'm sorry, but I am nowhere near patient enough (and duffal enough jugak!!) to read your inane posts.
With one post, she even writes the post title in English, and then proceeds to write the ENTIRE massive post in some foreign language.

While she is as incompetent as I'm making her out to be, let's face facts, I'm only bullying her because she has more readers than me...

HARRY POTTER NUDE

Naked pictures of Daniel Radcliffe to promote a new play are causing controversy among fans of the Harry Potter movies. The young star peels off his top half and cuddles up with a topless co-star in the promotional snaps for his London West End run in Equus.

from IMDb

Eywwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I've seen a lot of not ok things in my time, but this seriously gave me a gag reflex.

"'ay 'arry Pottah! I can see your willay, I can!"

Now he wont just be remembered as the boy who played Harry Potter. Now he'll be remembered as the boy who played Harry Potter. oh and who also appeared nude in some play once.

100TH POST!

*blows on one of those cheap, annoying party horns*

Here's to another 80 or so before I give up altogether...

*pops lame party popper*

*walks away*

'EPIC MOVIE MADE #1' DAY - POSTERS

By far the worst promotional posters I have ever seen. Ever.

While on this matter, I secured an exclusive interview with someone that has actually seen Epic Movie:

Imagine this if you will. How low can you go before you start heading back up? Epic Movie demands our attention towards such an unexplored philosophic mystery.

'EPIC MOVIE MADE #1' DAY

29th January.

A day that shall now be commemorated with the fairly prestigous accolade of being the day Epic Movie achieved the place of the #1 film in the USA, and will now always be remembered as such.

Truthfully, I can recognise how historically signifcant this momentous occasion proves to be, and it is my humble consideration of this that ensures that such an event isn't forgotten as quickly as it should be.

The customs of the annually celebrated Epic Movie Made #1 Day are as follows:

• At dawn, a bugleman will sound a rendition of Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas.


• Commencing immediately after the bugle number, an international minute of non-laughter will take place. A time to reflect on those laughless and fateful hours, a time to grieve for all the ten dollar notes that won't be returned.


• A public stoning of a randomly selected patron that contributed to the film's opening weekend gross will take place at an allocated hour in the time square of every state or territory's capital city.


• January 29th is also named a schooling and working holiday, which strongly emphasises the message of the day. Which is to put off education and constructive productivity and to encourage the writing of awful, incompetent screenplays based off the parody of other, better, films.


• Gift-giving is essential, as is the requirement of all gifts being nothing but empty cardboard boxes wrapped in giftpaper. The recipient's reaction to the valueless present replicates the disappointment, shock, anger and disgust of audiences upon Epic Movie's original release.


• A complimentary screening of Epic Movie itself is optional, only for the fact that forcibly subjecting people to the film annually, or in fact just the once, is not fully advisable.

• All festivities are completely enforced by law and must be participated in.

Ahh, Epic Movie. Today, we celebrate.

!!!!!!!!!HAPPY 'EPIC MOVIE MADE #1' DAY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!

MY RIVAL BLOG

I have a rival blog.

Well, let's face it, my blog is just a copy of Needs To Glassed, so I have no complaints. A bit of competition is healthy. In other words, when you can't think of topics, you can rightfully 'borrow' from your competitor. It's legal, and totally beats sitting around trying to think about what you hate about your life so that you can write a small blurb about it.



Nice tagline. I can see that becoming a pop-phrase phenomenon, akin to 'did I doo dat?'.

SHREK THE THIRD

Oh boy! Even if it's half as bad as Shrek 2, it will still raise the stocks in shittastic sequels by 4.2%!!!

Theoretically.

'OOPS, SHE DID IT AGAIN' HEADLINES

It could be a case of "oops, she did it again" with reports Britney Spears is pregnant only 10 weeks after her split from Kevin Federline and four months after she gave birth to her second child.

from The Courier Mail


Oops, she did it again. For the fifth time in the last six years, Britney Spears topped Yahoo Inc.'s most popular search term list for 2006.

from Pocono Record


"Oops, she did it again." That's how I remember NPR's Peter Segal describing Britney Spears after she was caught panty-free by photogs -- twice. Listen. I'll resolve this if you will: If you do something that makes you less than what you should be, forget the "oops" -- just don't do it again.

from Orlando Sentinel

Now this just pisses me off.

Is there an unpublicized amendment among tabloid journalism that states any reporting on Britney Spears doing any sort of action at all more than once must be accompanied by a played-on-words reference to a song released in 199fucking9?

PEOPLE WHO THINK THE DOUBLE MEANING OF WII IS FUNNY II

American radio station KDND, based in Sacramento has held a competition entitled "Hold Your Wee For A Wii", where contestants had to drink a bottle of water every ten minutes and see how long they could hold it in before they needed the toilet.
Unfortunately, a few contestants' determination to win the new Wii console saw the game lasting for three hours, with 28 year old mother of three Jennifer Lea Strange dying after consuming over half a gallon of water.

Allegedly a nurse warned the radio DJ at the time of the health risks of drinking excessive amounts of water too quickly, yet the station had gotten the contestants to sign waivers and the DJ was not worried about the consequences of the game.
Strange called a co-worker to report she would not be making it into work the next day as she was feeling unwell, but was later found dead at her home.

from N-Europe

See what happens when you play on words so childishly? People start drowning from the inside out!!! Silly little beetch.

MY TV

My TV... blew... up. It's gone.

Let it be noted that it was only a year old. Let it also be noted I was watching 24 and eating ice-cream when it carked it.

*craves House of Carters*

EPIC MOVIE

I think there is more chance of this being some elaborate in-joke amongst movie studios than there is this being a serious cinematic effort.

If this doesn't end up being the worst film of 2007, I'll want to know why.

BINDI IRWIN

She apparently has courage. She apparently has determination. She apparently has the spirit of Steve Irwin inside her. She apparently has her father's legacy to continue.

But what I'm seriously pondering is, does she apparently have a full set of chromosomes???

WORLD OF WARCRAFT: THE BURNING CRUSADE LAUNCH

Last night, fans from around the country were out in force, gathering at retail outlets - many in costume - to see in the midnight launch of the game's first expansion pack, The Burning Crusade.
Events were held around the country, with EB Games opening up every one of its Australian stores on the stroke of midnight to hand the coveted pre-ordered box sets to eager gamers.

New Year's Eve celebrations are held there; the in-world economy can supplement real-life salaries; and most alarmingly, the Chinese Government reportedly attempted to restrict its citizens' play time, following reports of gamers killing each other over virtual property.

An Trinh, 22, plays on average of six hours a day, but now that the expansion pack has been released, he forecast this would increase to 15 hours.
"I took 12 days off work ... I reckon I'll get [my character] to level 70 for sure," he said.

from Sydney Morning Herald

12 days later, psychotherapy clinics were the next to see queues of avid World of Warcraft fans accumulate, most seeking treatment for fatigue and videogame addiction, whilst others had more serious symptoms, such as suffering nervous breakdowns and severe chemical imbalance triggered by the inevitable prospect of life after Level 70.

Utter douchebags.

DARLENE CONLEY

Sally's dead???
Nooo! Sally, why!?!
Actually, how could I have not seen this coming? In her scenes on Bold and the Beautiful, she couldn't even stand up.

THE GOLDEN GLOBES

This award is just a senseless amalgamation of the Emmy and the Oscar. It's such a non-honour.

Whenever you hear the words '2 time Golden Globe nominated actress', you know that she's just not all that.

If the best thing you've amounted to is to be nominated for a Golden Globe, and not win, then not get nominated for an Emmy/Oscar, you stank. Being nominated for an Oscar and getting the least amount of votes is a higher accolade than actually winning a Golden Globe.

The statue is ugly too.

LARA BINGLE

There's one thing I hate more than good-looking people that thrive on media coverage by partaking in controversial events.

And that's overratedly good-looking people that thrive on media saturation by partaking in completely non-controversial events that are for some reason deemed controversial.

In short, I generally do not like Lara Bingle very much.

STOMP THE YARD AT #1

A little trivia on the movie:

• The film was originally titled Steppin', but to avoid confusion over the 2006 film Step Up, the title was changed.
• Stomp the Yard shares similarities with another teen film, You Got Served. For example, both films were released in January, both were made by Screen Gems, both films featured Meagan Good in them, both featured cameos by MTV VJs (You Got Served featuring La La and Stomp the Yard featuring Sway) and both feature high-profile competitions.
• Screenwriter Robert Adetuyi also wrote the script for New Line Cinema's Cedric the Entertainer comedy Code Name: The Cleaner, which opened a week prior to Stomp the Yard.
  
  from Wikipedia

Good choice, America!!!!

PEOPLE WITH THEIR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS STILL UP

If you can find time to put the shit up, then you can certainly find time to pull it all down. Or do you actually enjoy making your house look like a cheap commision home in a month that it isn't obliged?

THE CAST OF SURVIVOR: FIJI

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor14/

Hmm. I honestly think that the casting officials at CBS handpick most of the final contestants based on their unique and incredibly stupid names.

This season, meet Boo, Dre, Lisi, Yau-Man, Edgardo and Mookie.

Predicted to win: Dre.

Second place: Anthony

Third place: Sylvia.

Predicted to definately not win: Yau-Man.

Predicted contestant to have a "controversial" moment: Alex.

Voted out first: Lisi.

I suck at predictions.

MY 19TH BIRTHDAY

Yesterday, I celebrated 19 years of life (not including fetal existance) and came to an usually unstartling revelation. Turning 19 really isn't that big a step up from turning 18.

18 is the big deal. 19 years old is just 18 years old plus not dying for an extra year.

Moreso, that bitch and her cake scare me.

MR. BLACKWELL'S 47TH ANNUAL WORST-DRESSED WOMEN LIST

10.) Meryl Streep: From Streep you could weep! Her Beauty-of-a-career cannot be denied - but that Beast-of-a-Wardrobe is pure Mother of the Bride.
9.) Sandra Oh: Oh, Sandra! Drowning in beads, bangles and prehistoric bows, she's layered lunacy - from toes to nose!

8.) Tori Spelling: All chills and no thrills - guess Tori's “Down and Out in Beverly Hills!” She's definitely under fashion duress - positive proof that More is really Less!

7.) Sharon Stone: It's clear Sharon's misplaced her fashion gift - she looks like an over-the-hill Cruella De Ville - after a seismic shift!

6.) Paula Abdul: Wrapped in floral fiascos that grow moldier by the hour…she's a lumpy stem…on a bumpy flower. A fallen fashion “Idol”!

5.) Mariah Carey: Mariah “The Fashion Pariah” has finally found her stylistic niche…let's crown her the Queen of Catastrophic Kitsch!

4.) Christina Aguilera: La Diva Christina is a dazzling singer…but she puts good taste through the wardrobe wringer! - all crass, no class!

3.) Lindsay Lohan: Tragically trapped in fashion's fast lane…looks like Lindsay's ready to remake “Baby Jane.” From adorable to deplorable.

2.) Camilla Parker-Bowles: The Duchess of Dowdy Strikes Again! In feathered hats that were once the rage…she resembles a petrified parakeet - from the Jurassic Age …A royal wreck!

1.) Britney Spears/Paris Hilton: Two peas in an over-exposed pod! Style-free and fashion deprived…ladies and gentlemen, the “SCREAMGIRLS” have arrived!
Fabulous Fashion Independents for 2006: Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie, Helen Mirren, Barbra Streisand, Beyonce, Nancy Pelosi, Princess Charlotte of Monaco, Heidi Klum, Katie Holmes and Marcia Cross.

I think this Mr. Blackwell's cup is positively overflowing with bitchy one-liners and 'snap-your-fingers-and-wobble-your-head' wit, so I wont contribute much more to this. All I'll say is; Oh no, he di-ent!

APPLE IPHONE

iPhone specs:

• US$499 for a 4GB model, US$599 for an 8GB model
• GSM+EDGE phone technology (though 3G is promised "in the future")
• 3.5-inch touchscreen, at 160 points-per-inch resolution
• 11.6mm thick
• 2 Megapixel camera
• Incorporates video iPod
• Syncs music, video, contacts and internet favourites with iTunes on Windows or Mac
• Gesture-controlled user interface
• On-screen virtual keyboard
• Random-access voicemail (via Cingular)
• Wi-Fi and Bluetooth connectivity
• SMS "conversation" interface
• Full high-resolution web browser
• Google Maps
• Weather and stock market "widgets"
• Battery life 5 hours talk/video/web browsing, 16 hours audio only

From The Age

I like Apple for the same reasons everyone else does. Because their products look sleeker than they really are, but nobody can tell unless they buy one themselves.
Non-coincidentally, I don't own a single Apple product. But kudos to them for jumping on the 'touchscreens = da future!' bandwagon. Hnn.

NANCY PELOSI

Rep. Nancy Pelosi became the first female speaker of the House of Representatives on Thursday, as Democrats took control of both chambers of Congress.
"I accept this gavel in the spirit of partnership, not partisanship," Pelosi said, taking the symbol of her new job from Republican minority leader John Boehner.
Cheers of the Democrats almost drowned out the clerk of the House's announcement that Pelosi was elected speaker by 233 votes to 202 -- reflecting the number of seats held by each party.

From CNN

Some emos would kill for her haircut.

Good on ya' Nance!

IWAO TAKAMOTO

Didn't know who this guy was? Neithers. But he apparently designed some of my most HATED cartoon characters ever.

Takamoto died at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where he was being treated for respiratory problems, said Gary Miereanu, a spokesman for Warner Bros. Animation.

Takamoto designed Scooby-Doo, his equally famished and cowardly master Shaggy, and their pals Velma, Daphne and Fred in the late 1960s while working at the Hanna-Barbera animation studio. The Great Dane's name was inspired by an improvised line at the end of Frank Sinatra's Strangers in the Night.

He also designed the snickering dog Muttley, who was featured in a number of
productions, and Astro, the family dog on The Jetsons. For The Flintstones, he
created the Great Gazoo, a green alien.

From NineMSN News

It's a shame, too. He looked like a nice guy. Pity he was creatively bankrupt.

JASON ALEXANDER'S POST-SEINFELD SITCOMS

Bob Patterson and Listen Up lasted like 8 episodes. COLLECTIVELY.

My only theory is that he recieved so much praise and success during the run of Seinfeld that after it was over, he got an unexpected rush out of failing. Which led to an addiction to failure. Carefully he abused his celebrity status, selecting follow-up projects that were totally assured to fail. 3 episodes of commitment later, he gets his ultimate high by reaching the ultimate low.

I don't see any other explanation for signing up to be a regular on Everybody Loves Chris' second season!

FERGIE IN POSEIDON

Reasons why this was a real idiotic move:

1. The script sucked. Totally.
2. She doesn't get an actual part. She's like, just a background singer while all the main characters are being introduced.
3. She's playing a singer for a cruise ship, which is the where you find desperate singers looking for a steady gig.
4. She fucking dies! Not on-screen, but still.

What a completely unflattering cameo!

MONK

I hate how the ads call Adrian Monk a 'brilliant genius', but in the very same ads, it shows him wasting time running away from a bee or being too shy to interrogate someone.
In reality, this complete tard would never be allowed on the force. He does more bitching than crime solving.

By the way, is this show like... a comedy? Are the crimes wacky and peculiar? Or are we seriously supposed to be amused by Monk's fear and disorders while he should be on the hunt for a serial murderer/rapist.

And you know, having OCD isn't even funny. Who watches and enjoys this show? Re-assess your life, for fuck's sake!

LCMS

Nasty little fuckers.
By the way, can anyone tell me what the HELL LCM actually stands for!?!

KILLED BY XMAS GAMEBOY JOURNALISM

KILLED BY HIS XMAS GAME BOY

A BOY of seven was electrocuted on holiday while charging up the Game Boy he got for Christmas. Connor O'Keefe was unplugging the charger in his hotel room in Thailand.
Distraught mum Kathleen Curry, 45, who found his lifeless body on the floor, said: "We're all devastated." Kathleen, who bought the charger in Thailand, said: "My son was only unplugging his Game Boy - he does it all the time at home."

Police described Connor's death at the Sunset Beach Hotel in Phuket on Saturday as a tragic accident. They insisted the complex, rebuilt after the 2004 tsunami disaster, was not to blame.
Yesterday the family, from Walworth, South East London, paid tribute to their "wonderful child". Connor's cousin and godmother Chanelle said: "We're just devastated. He loved his holidays and computer games were his passion. He was absolutely brilliant at them."

From Mirror UK

Killed by his Xmas Game Boy, huh? I think it should read something more along the lines of Killed By The Faulty Fucking Electrical Ports Found In A Dodgy Thai Resort Where A Lot Of Shortcuts Would Have Been Made During Its Reconstruction.
Spin doctored piece of shit.

SURVIVOR 13 DAY - SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS

Definately the best season yet. Which is really saying something seeings as all the seasons have been hugely entertaining and the show has yet to jump the shark.
I loved the location, loved the casting, loved the multitude and magnitude of the twists, loved the enormous and inventive challenges and I really loved the final outcome.

Keep it up.

One thing's for sure, these three hour finales really exhaust me. I'm outta here.

SURVIVOR 13 DAY - SEKOU'S MUSICAL PURSUIT

I hate to break it to you, man, but gauging from your performance tonight, I think you'll find much more success capitalising on the fact you were voted out of Survivor because you were fat and slept all day long.

SURVIVOR 13 DAY - YUL

Yul survives!

Becky = Dead

Ozzy = Dead

*loves it*

SURVIVOR 13 DAY - THE FINAL THREE

I am so loving the final three. Yul, who I want to win, absolutely deserves to be there. Ozzy, definately as well. Becky retains a high level of integrity, and really isn't pushing anyone that was more deserving out. Although I think if I could swap anyone with her, I would put Jonathan in the threesome.

I'm predicting Yul to win, Ozzy to come second, Becky to get completely overlooked. Now I just wish they would stop with the cricket updates and homeware specialist ads advertising no interest until 2010. Fuckin' 2010, who is worrying about 2010. I'm worried about who wins this game, and that is in no way connected to cricket.

SURVIVOR 13 DAY - SUNDRA

You're heading into a tie-breaker that you know is going to be a fire building contest. You have a day to practice (not to mention the 37 days you should have practised). You don't. You go into it with no experience or knowledge. What da' fuck is wrong wid' yoo, grrrl!?!?

Srsly though, you were a cool cat.

Sundra = Dead

SURVIVOR 13 DAY - ADAM

Unsurprising for pretty much everyone.
I for one cannot wait for Adam's completely vacuous, non-impact question as a member of the jury.

By the way, I just read that Adam isn't even a fan of Survivor. He regarded it as a silly show. What a complete douche.


Adam = Dead

SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS DEDICATION DAY

Tomorrow is the finale of Survivor: Cook Islands, which is believe it or not, very excting for me. Regularly updated posts regarding the good, the bad and aggrivating outcomes surrounding this season of Survivor will take place tomorrow, January 5th, 2007.

Enjoy.

Go Yul. Die Adam!

PARVATI

I loved how after she talked up her flirting so much throughout the series, saying it was her ultimately secret weapon and advantage, all she did was like, say: "Oh my god, two naked guys in a hot tub. What could happen?" and then the boys were like "Excuse me as we plot to vote you out."

I don't know how she made it this far. It was definately not as a result of her super flirting powahz! as I think we've established they suck big time.

Parvati = Dead.

THE OC'S CANCELLATION

“The O.C.,” the once-hot teenage soap opera that saw its ratings plummet, has been canceled.
The final episode will run Thursday, Feb. 22, Fox TV and Warner Brothers Television Production said on Wednesday.
Based in the affluent Orange County, Calif., city of Newport Beach, “The O.C.” caught fire in its first season, 2003-04, as the top drama among advertiser-favored young
adults, with nearly 10 million viewers.
The show dropped to about 7 million weekly viewers in 2004-05 and to fewer than 6 million last season. This year, it has drawn about 4 million.

From The New York Times

Well...... who didn't see that coming?

I haven't even seen any of Season 4, so I can't vouch on the 'quality gone downhill' remarks. But simply, it wasn't a great show. And its presence in pop culture curled up and died long before that old man, Caleb, did. Let's all shrug in unison with this long time coming, already apparent announcement.

JERRY SEINFELD FUSED WITH BRUCE LEE

Um...
Pretty sure this belongs on my mo'fuckin' wall.

Kudos to the awesome being that drew this piece of conceptual magic. A pinnacle in the fusion of awesome and awesome. Awesome squared.

FLICKA

Boy, anyone predicting long queues and sold out sessions for this one?
What the fuck are they doing? Releasing it during awards season to get one up on the competition for The Razzies?

And the award for Most Derivitive goes to....

THE LATTER PART OF MARTIN SHORT'S CAREER

*sigh*

Not that his early career was especially illustrious... but in comparison, he is now nothing but a germ. A poor, poor germ!

NEW YEAR'S MARATHONS ON FOXTEL

Foxtel has always had a marathon fetish, but they have gone NUTS this summer.

Fox 8's The Simple Life marathon, MTV's My Sweet 16 marathon, Arena's Will and Grace marathon, The Comedy Channel's Family Guy marathon, Hallmark's Police Rescue marathon, Discovery Channel's Deadliest Catch marathon, Disney Channel's Hanna Montana marathon AND The Lifestyle Channel's totally odd choice to air a Property Ladder marathon.

I think Foxtel's New Year's resolution for 2008 should be to break its addiction to inane marathons noone would ever commit to.